someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
