If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
