he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
