my being single is dangerous.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I love you.
Bad choice
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
