I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
