Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
