somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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