That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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