I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
