i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
