I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
