You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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