Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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