Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
