Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
