I'm so fucking centered right now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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