theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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