i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
