Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize