I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
