we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
