im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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