You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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