I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
