at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize