So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
