Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my poor anus
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
