he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
