i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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