How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
