Sponge bath it is.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
