were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
