I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
