If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
