Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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