we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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