Dual....:-)
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
