he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
