Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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