Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
