i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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