he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize