please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
