I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize