Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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