escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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