yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
