the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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