I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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