Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
