the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
