He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
