i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
