new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
