You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize