Your tits are I can't wait for
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i need some magic done to my vagina
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
