I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
