Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
