I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
