Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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