College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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