I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
