I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They are going to name an STD after you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
