I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
