I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
