FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
