last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
