I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
