Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
