Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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