I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
