he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
