$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
