I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize