Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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