By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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